dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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