just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
