Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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