I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
