A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
