im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
