trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
