we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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