You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
