i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
