i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
