my mouth tastes like poor choices
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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