fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
