Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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