1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
