You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
