Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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