just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
