Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
