Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
