like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
