We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
