On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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