you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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