I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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