So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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