If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
