You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize