i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
