Even the bartender felt bad for me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
