I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
