You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
