see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
