Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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