I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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