Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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