i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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