Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
