He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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