It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
