TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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