Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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