just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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