yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
