I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
