he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My balls are so social today.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
