You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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