i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
