There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Pappa wants mamma naked
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
