hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
