After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
