how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
