That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
