I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
