Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
