I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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