Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
