I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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