I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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