Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
