you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I need moral support for this bender
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
