walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we should paint friendship bongs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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