just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
