Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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