Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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