I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
