she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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