I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
