i can't believe i had my finger in that
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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