You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
