if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
