So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
