Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
