i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
